For most of my life, I’ve been one of those people who finds the silver lining of every dark cloud, sticks up for people who probably don’t deserve it and tries to maintain a positive attitude at all times. When I can’t make something into a positive or when I get let down by people, sometimes I get a little bit frustrated, but I just accept that everything passes and let it go.
However, there has been some things going on in the past few weeks which completely infuriate me and make me want to punch people. I’ve never hit anyone in my life and I am completely horrified by the thought of violence, but there are a couple of things which absolutely make my blood boil.
The main thing is disrespectful people. People with poor manners, I can almost handle. People who gossip occasionally, I can deal with. People who completely lack respect for others, however, make me want to break things.
The current examples in my life include chauvinistic men, ungrateful people and people who discriminate deliberately.
In the past week, I’ve had arguments screaming matches about Aboriginal entitlements, the way tips are split at my work and the fact that gender isn’t a determining factor in who should do which jobs at a restaurant. I’ve also found out and overheard some horribly derogatory things being said by people who I would consider friends, and have had some fairly offensive things said to my face.
Aboriginal matters don’t particularly phase me. I can accept that some people will just never understand or care, and that’s not my problem. I’m fine with it. However, when people ask me questions about it and then reject everything I say, it stresses me out a bit. It’s not often that I argue about it, but when I do, it’s usually one of those arguments that make people want to hold you back, just so you don’t punch the other person. I had one of these arguments, which ended in me walking away from it - another rare occurrence. It’s not that I hate people being racist, it’s that I hate people discriminating against something that they’re completely uneducated about [ironically, lack of education is usually the main for hating it].
As someone who constantly tries to educate people or open their minds, I find it inexpressibly frustrating when people are set in their ways and ignorant to any extra information. I know why Christian Arabs and Muslim Arabs hating each other. I know why North Korea and South Korea hating each other. I know why white Australian’s hating Aborigines. The hatred pretty much comes down to one of two things - misunderstanding the others, or feeling the need to put the blame on others. Ignorance, basically.
Ignorance can be your new best friend, but it is one of those things that is bliss, only if used with caution. There are some things which can and probably should be ignored. These include bitching, rumours and Nickelback. Other things which shouldn’t be ignored include domestic violence, sexual harrassment/assault, depression and red lights.
Tonight I heard something which I’m trying to fit into one of the above categories, but I can’t choose where it belongs. On one hand, it’s gossip among men, and boys will be boys. On the other hand, it’s extremely derogatory towards my friend and was said in the presence of another friend [who happens to be female], and it would be nice to think the boys I work with were slightly decent.
I was shocked and appalled when I realised there were men out there who had such a poor attitude towards women, and even more offended that they were people who I had considered to be friends, and even my brother. It’s not even worth going into detail, but these boys have such little respect for people. It makes me want to punch things.
The most significant argument that has been occurring recently is about tips. My view is that tips are an absolute bonus; a gift from the customers to thank us for great service. It’s fair that we split the tips evenly, as everyone contributes in some way to providing effective and efficient service. Our managers don’t have to pass on the tips to their staff. They can take it as a compliment for the business and pocket it. Ultimately, as a gift, it’s something that should not be discussed, measured or compared.
For some reason, the boys I work with seem to think it’s an entitlement. They think the tips should be measured and divided depending on who’s tables tip the most. They also make a point of discussing and comparing the tips. “Oh well that person didn’t do a great job tonight but my table tipped $50, why should I share?” and silly things like that. I pointed out that every single one of us contributes. Noone cleaning cutlery = no table setting = no seating people = no serving people = no tips. Noone pouring drinks = no beverage = thirsty customer = displeased customer = no tips. Everyone contributes in some way, thus everyone deserves a share in the “gift” from the customers.
As I mentioned, tips are a bonus. We get paid enough in Australia to be able to live on our wages, and if not, we are in the wrong profession. We shouldn’t be depending on tips for anything other than an extra coffee or to throw into our moneybox. Some nights we make big bucks, sometimes we make none. It’s too much of a gamble to rely on tips for life.
Personally, I would rather someone seek out my manager and tell them how fantastic I am, than leave a few dollars in a jar. While it’s nice to be acknowledged with cash, sometimes the compliment doesn’t make it to me or my boss, and some of us would probably assume the tip is simply a share in what the other tables have tipped. What would be perfect, is if a customer told my boss I was fabulous, handed him a $100 bill and said “this is for the tip jar.” Sadly, it’s usually either/or.
The morals of the story?
- Kaiti’s having a mangry* night.
- Discrimination is pointless and mean.
- Boys can be complete pigs at times^ and noone has to tolerate it.
- It’s bad manners to measure or compare gifts; tips included.
- Tips are a lovely compliment but the best compliment is given using words.
*Mangry - feeling or showing anger to the point of almost becoming a man.
^Boys aren’t all pigs. I know some fairly flawless ones and I acknowledge that frequently.
